Hypothesis:
Modern science must render it possible to transform a pair of normal denim jeans into a kilt.
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| Subject A |
Laboratory supplies
1 spool of gold/brown denim jeans thread
1 package denim rivets
1 package heavy-duty snaps
Robotic laboratory tailor ("sewing machine")
Denim needle for robotic tailor
Seam ripper
Scissors
Pins
Hammer
Pliers
Snap-assembling pliers
Iron and ironing board
Step 1: Disassembly
Utilizing a standard seam ripper, undo the inseam up both legs and through the crotch of the subject.
Duration: approximately 2 hours
Step 2: Cutting
I folded both pants legs up to the bottom of the waistband of the subject, so that upon separation, approximately half of the length would remain attached, and half would be available for further work. This later turned out to be incorrect: instead, I should have fold them up to the point where I intended to attach them, which was below the belt loops, not below the waistband.
With appropriate instrument (if you have access to a water jet cutter, for the sake of science, use it and take video, but I used scissors), boldly remove the lower pant leg from its superior. Now is no time for squeamishness!
Duration: 5 minutes
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| Partial potential arrangement |
Subject A is now deconstituted into a pair of cut-off shorts with a separated inseam, and two lower pants legs remnants. Upon examination, it was found that the lower remnants were not symmetrical trapezoids, but slightly wider upon one side. Fear not, all is not lost!
Step 3: Stern panel placement
Take one of the lower remnants and measure, fold, pin, and iron it so that symmetry is achieved. This piece will be attached to the rear of the subject with the cuff side towards the waistband and the cut side at the bottom.
Step 3a: Detach cargo containers
The hip pockets of subject A were discovered to interfere with placing the stern panel, so they were seam-ripped and removed. Retained for later study.
Now the panel can be pinned in place along the waistband, ensuring that it is equally distant laterally from the outer seams.
Duration: 20 minutes
Step 4: Stern panel attachment
The robotic laboratory tailor is now employed to mechanically fasten the stern panel to the subject along the top. My research partner had previously left the tailor in a patterned mode, which I did not notice until this step was partially complete, fortuitously it looked cool and did not need to be redone. A straight seam was then run down both sides of the stern panel.
Duration: 15 minutes
Step 5: Front panel placement and attachment
The front panel was constructed from the remaining lower leg remnant. First, in a similar manner to the stern panel, fold, press, and pin the panel so that it is a symmetric trapezoid. Hem both sides of the panel at this point, before continuing.
At the top, the front panel should fit the subject between the two pockets, folded into a sort of box pleat. Measure the distance between the two pockets (with the subject buttoned) and pin the top of the panel appropriately, iron, then stitch across the top to fix the pleats in place.
I also chose to apply rivets to reinforce the pleats here, which required punching holes in the denim and then hammering the rivets together. While utilizing the hole punch, be sure to place the fabric upon a sturdy surface and underneath it place something which can be harmlessly hole-punched itself, such as a phone book or magazine.
Finally, place the panel in the front of the subject and pin along the left side (wearer's left) to create the apron. Robotically attach the front panel down said left side.
Duration: 30 minutes
Step 6: Hemming
All along the bottom of the subject, including the apron, fold, pin, and press to create a finished hem. I needed to trim some of the interior, hidden pants legs fabric out of the way to make the rest easy to hem. Mechanically stitch around the circumference of the subject.
Duration: 1 hour
Step 7: Hardware
I chose to replace the broken zipper and to fasten the right side of the apron with snaps (top and bottom). A special set of pliers was necessary to clamp the snaps together, and care must be taken that the two halves of the snap meet when the finished garment is donned.
Duration: 30 minutes
Result
With some labor, subject A was transformed into a garment resembling a kilt or possibly a skirt. True action scientists will admit no such confusion.
At some point during the procedure, it did occur to this researcher that with considerably less effort, the broken zipper could have been replaced, but that wouldn't be nearly as fun.
